"It takes a great deal of character strength to apologize quickly out of one's heart rather than out of pity. A person must possess himself and have a deep sense of security in fundamental principles and values in order to genuinely apologize."

--Walt Whitman

This isn't necessarily everything I have to say about apologies, and the quote doesn't necessarily sum up the bit I want to say here.

But I've been reading about stuff and thinking about my own beloved.

DJ and I have plenty of problems. What couple doesn't? But what sets DJ and myself (and any other couple that does this) apart?

Our apologies.

I'm not saying any of us are perfect, and I'm not saying any of us apologize like we should. What I am saying is that we DO apologize and we do so SINCERELY.

We don't just spend a split second saying, "Sorry," in as curtly a manner as our pride can manage. We take our time and we show our repentance at our hurting the other.

You see, apologies are the most obvious and necessary proof that you put others before your pride. Think about it: when you apologize, you are having to put yourself down in order to admit that you were wrong.

But you're not only doing that!

You are admitting that you love the person more than you care to be right or be compensated for previous grievances. You love that person more than your pride, more than yourself.

And as the quote says, it's more difficult to apologize immediately after your mistake. It's more difficult to apologize for your mistake at all compared to apologizing for another's loss or grievance.

So apologize. :)

Just swallow that hard-headedness (I have PLENTY of it myself!!) and just say, "I'm sorry. I love you, and I'm sorry I hurt you. You are more to me than what we just fought about. You are more to me than myself. And because I acted as if otherwise were true, I am sorry."

Okay. It doesn't have to be THAT wordy. But definitely don't short-change the apology... That's not an apology, at all... Especially if you're just saying it to get the words out...

So you need two things for a good apology:

1) to lower your pride so you CAN apologize

2) and to be SINCERE in your apology

Food for thought. ;)

*M